” A man who doesn’t trust himself can never really trust anyone else”- Cardinal De Retz


My girlfriend that I had lunch with today told me that she called her wedding off. That is so sad, we were so excited for her when she got engaged.  She had been married previously and went through a rather messy divorce.

I am so proud of her to stop the process now and not go through with it because of other people’s feelings.  If she can’t go through with it, then she should not.  The issue is the trust-where are you going, who is calling you, who did you go to lunch with, why did you get the free tickets to the game, and the list goes on and on and on.  This is such a big deal for many that its hard to ignore.  I have this issue too and its very damaging to my relationship.  We ( my girlfriend and I) talked about it and it makes us feel watched, monitored, like we don’t deserve to be trusted, and there were not reasons for it.

It takes a lot of strength to call the wedding off and I am very proud of her, proud that she stood up for what is right for her, that she knows what she wants and not willing to give in because everybody around think it’s not a big deal.  Well, it is a big deal.  I find myself analysing how to do things so I will not be questioned – why did you do this, why you did not do it this way, this makes more sence. We talked about locking the phones with pass-codes because of the scrutiny that we get over who we called or texted.

I have a confession to make.  A year ago I was teaching a Zumba class in our local church and a guy from the band was helping me with equipment for my class, so I can play the music.  So every time, twice a week, before the class I would call him and ask for the equipment been brought to the gym and when the class was over I would call for him to take it back – clear-cut, right?  My phone bill was analyzed and pattern established on me calling this guy, and then I was asked do I know such and such, and why are you calling him twice a day. Really? Are you kidding me? And that is why women should have their own bank accounts, phone accounts, and credit histories that are not mixed with their husbands or boyfriends, keep it simple. 

And with that being said, Happy Hour is a must